Monday, March 05, 2012

Last night as I was preparing the Avenue Q playbills for the next show, Ken stood at the door watching me. He asked if there was anything wrong. I looked up, shook my head and replied, "No." He asked again and I asked him why he was asking, "Do I look like something is wrong?" I don't remember his response, but I replied that I was just tired, busy week at work.

On the drive home I couldn't shake his query. Is something wrong? The more I thought about it the more I realized there is something wrong. I just can't put my finger on it.

It started on February 23. Our last group of newhires were graduating. We conduct a graduation ceremony, which I stage manage. My co-trainers and I have our specific responsibilities - Nicky deals with the refreshments, Larry runs the videos and slide presentations and I'm the emcee. The 3 of us work like a well oiled machine we've done so many ceremonies this year. Unfortunately, Larry was sick with bronchitis the day of the graduation and wasn't going to come in. I don't know why, but his absence really threw me. I solved the immediate problem by training someone else, but I was utterly stressed and panicked. In the back of my mind I kept wondering why I was reacting the way I was. I've stage managed many theatre productions! Late entrances, missing props, set issues, costume malfunctions-nothing had thrown me like this before.

Lately during quiet moments, whether I'm at work or home, my face takes on a puzzled expression as my mind wanders. Cade said I looked worried.

Ken noticed something. Cade noticed something. And I can't shake the feel that something is, not necessarily wrong, but I just don't feel right.

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